The Two-Wish Genie

Episode 1: The Bus Trip

A young woman wearing a white blouse and blue slacks swayed like everybody else as the bus wove through the busy street. The man hanging from a strap in front of her reeked of sweat. The din of voices and traffic made creative thought impossible. Madge looked at her watch. Another fifteen minutes of this.

An elderly woman on her right bounced against her. She grinned. "Sorry."

"It's all right," Madge replied. "My first time. Isn't this a terrible experience?"

Madge looked at the woman and motioned with her eyes. "I wish this guy in front of me would leave."

A balding fellow on her right tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to him.

"I am a two-wish genie and I grant you your wish."

The bus stopped, people shuffled off, others got on, the bus started up. The ambience didn't change.

Madge looked up and the sweaty guy was gone.

"Yah, right. Genie. Maybe it was his stop."

"No, you wished him away."

"There's no such thing as a genie," Madge said.

The genie bowed his head. "You're looking at one."

She huffed. "So where do you live? In a funny little lamp?"

"No! That's ridiculous. Actually I come from, Eerie, a couple of dimensions away. There are lots of us there. I have a brother who does three-wishes. And there is a fellow who does missing socks, and an old-timer who specializes in weird noises in old houses. We're all a little impish"

"So why me? Why give me my wish?"

The genie shrugged. "Beats me. I get my assignments through channels."

Madge pointed a finger at him. "Okay, prove it. Do something that really looks like genie stuff."

The genie pushed her finger away. "You have to wish it. And you do get one more wish."

"Okay, let's make it a good one," she said. "I wish I was in London."

The old woman wondered what happened to the young lady that was sitting on her left. Her purse was still there.

Meanwhile, a stunned woman in white blouse and blue slacks sat on the sands of the settlement of London on the tiny island of Kiribati in the South Pacific. She had no purse.

Episode 2: A Good Death

Well, I'm back," said the three-wish genie. "So what's new?"

"Not much; same old...," the two-wish genie replied.

The three-wish genie peered into the wishafram. "Hey, what happened to Hillville? The town has no people. They looked happy and prosperous when I left."

"Oh, yesterday I heard Darby Dook moaning and crying in Hillville Memorial Hospital. Then he said 'Inez, my poor wife. Your suffering is over. I just wish I could have told you I love you before you last breath.'"

"So he made a wish," the three-wish genie said.

"Yeah. So I went down there to grant him his wish. Inez was in a hospital bed, apparently dead. Darby was startled to see me. I said 'I am the two-wish genie and I am here to fulfill your wish.' Then I tapped my head with my fingers and Inez sat up in her bed wide-eyed and alive."

The three-wish genie said, "So what happened?"

"Well, I told him to say good-bye before Inez was dead again. He grabbed her by the shoulders, kissed her and said, 'Dear Inez, I love you,' whereupon she smiled and flopped down dead again."

"Yeah, okay. But what does that have to do with all the people in town disappearing?"

The two-wish held up his hand. "Then Darby turned to me and, with tears in his eyes, said, 'Thank you. You know she was in a lot of pain. A terrible way to go. Not like my mother. Before she went last year, she was in great spirits. Then one night she just went to sleep with a smile and never woke up. That's the way to go. No pain or anxiety. I wish everybody in Hillville died in their sleep.' That's what he said, and so..."

The three-wish genie nodded. "I see. The second wish."

Episode 3: Dumb and Dumber

"You're just a lazy lump of lard," yelled Sheila. Arnie looked up at the sky shaking his head. The Upfingers were sitting at a wire-frame table el fresco at the local bistro.

"Please, already, could you stop it?" he pleaded.

"Stop it?" Her voice boomed. "I'm just getting started. Let me tell you. I don't know why I married you?"

"I wish you would shut up... FOREVER!" Arnie screamed with a fist to the table.

Just then the two-wish genie appeared behind them. "As you wish."

Instantly Sheila's voice disappeared and her mouth stuttered to a stop. Seeing her, Arnie's eye brows moved up.

He turned around and saw a plump, balding man wearing green pantaloons and a yellow vest. "Wow! You did that?"

"Yes, I'm the two-wish genie and I granted you your first wish. You get one more."

"Really?" exclaimed Arnie. "I get another wish?"

"Yup," the genie replied.

He thought a moment. "Okay! Let's see. I wish... hhmmm."

The two-wish genie rocked on his feet waiting.

"I wish... eerrr," Arnie mused, his right hand massaging his chin. "Hmm; what do I..." He cast his eyes up. "I wish... I wish... He stared straight ahead squinting. "...I can't think."

"So be it," said the genie.

And so he left the Upfingers sitting at their wire-frame table, Sheila mute and Arnie brain dead.

Episode 4: Money Magic

They were sitting in a booth at the Pete's Eats Cafe. The blackmailer held up the phone to Daffney. "I can email these pictures to you husband, unless..."

She put her hands to her face, "No, you can't do that. He'll kill me. What do you want, tell me?"

The fat-faced man smirked. "Oh, maybe for hundred grand I might delete these photos."

"A hundred thousand? I haven't got the kind of money."

"That's your problem. And that's my demand."

Daffney moaned, "No, no. There is no way I can get that much. I wish I could pay you." She hesitated as she looked to her left and saw a bald man in a long rain coat and funny red shoes sitting at the counter. He beckoned with his head and a mysterious force made her rise. She said to the blackmailer, "Just a moment," and went to the bald man.

"I am the two-wish genie. I'm here to grant you your first wish." He took a large envelope from his coat and handed it to her. "Here is your hundred thousand dollars."

Her eyes lit up. She nodded when the genie said, "You get one more wish."

She hurriedly rush back to the booth. She thrust the envelope at the blackmailer. "Here's you money. Now delete the pictures."

The blackmailer bobbed his head. "Did that man just give that to you? Why would he do that? Tell me before I delete anything."

Daffney put her hands together. "You won't believe this but he's a genie. He heard me wish for the money."

"Oh, so you could get more. Okay, so let's make it another grand. He should be good for it." He pointed at the counter but the seats were empty. "Where'd he go? He was at there a minute ago."

Daffney scanned the cafe for him. "I don't know where he is. I wish I knew."

Suddenly she spied him by the door. He held up a fist, then lifted one finger, then two fingers.

"He's there, by the door," she barked.

Then seeing the genie's upheld two fingers, she gasped, "Oh, shit."

Episode 5: Faulty Footfall

Manny and Juice sat at the bar enjoying a glass of brown ale. They often came to the Green Goat after work for a pint and chat mostly about nothing. Manny, out of the blue, said, "You know what I hate most doing?"

After a sip of foam, Juice asked, "No, what's that?"

"I hate cutting my toe nails." Manny tap the bar with a forefinger. "Thankless chore. Nobody sees you toes, yet if they get too long they start puttin' holes in you socks."

Juice nodded in agreement. "Yeah, but ya gotta do it."

"Yup, ya gotta do it." Manny nodded his head. "Ya know, I wish I didn't have any toes."

A stranger in a hooded jacket sitting next to Manny tapped him on the shoulder. "I couldn't help overhearing you. Turns out I'm a two-wish genie and I am granting your wish."

Manny felt his feet tingle. He slipped off his stool, stood wobbling, tried to walk, but only manage a few stutter-steps and fell over. Juice quickly came to his aid and got him back on the stool. "What happened?"

Manny reached down and grabbed his right foot. He looked at Juice with big eye. "I got no toes. Walkin' with no toes ain't easy." He turned to the hooded genie. "You did this, didn't you?"

The genie replied, "Yes, I gave you your first wish. You get one more, ya know."

Manny glared at the genie and with gritted his teeth he growled, "All right, I want my toes back!"

"Is that a wish? You must say so."

Manny pounded the bar counter. The beer mugs danced. "Damn it, I wish I had my toes back."

The genie slipped off his stool, reached into his hooded jacked and pulled out a plastic sack. He handed it to Manny. "I think they're all in there."

He was gone before Manny opened the sack.

Episode 6: Back to the Future

Hank Hackly sat on a park bench, moaning with his head in his hands. "If only I had known Mr. Diggins would fire me just because I told him to go to hell."

Then he slammed his palms into his forehead. "And the stupid Christmas song, 'Little Drummer Boy' won't quit my head. It's driving me crazy. I wish it would stop."

Just then Hank felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and there stood a pot-bellied, balding man wearing green pantaloons and a yellow vest. Hank blubbered, "Who are you?"

"I'm your two-wish genie."

"I thought genies grant three wishes."

The genie sat down next to Hank. "Oh, that's my brother's thing. I only grant two wishes. How's is your head?"

Hank put the back of his hand to his forehead. "That song, it's gone. Amazing! The 'pa rum pum pum pum' has stopped."

"As you wished it," said the genie.

"Wow, that's great," Hank exclaimed. "I wish you would have gotten here sooner... before I blew up at my boss."

The genie shook his finger at Hank. "Sorry, that was your first wish; you wished me here sooner next week after a prostitute steals your wallet. That's why I'm here now. Wishing away that song in your head was your second wish."

Hank's mouth dropped. "Next week?"

"Yup. No more wishes."

The genie spun around and disappeared.

Episode 7: Sammy and Barkalot

On the tenth floor of a suburan highrise apartment, Sammy was sitting out on his balcony when his beagle Barkalot came to the doorway yapping loudly. "What is it boy?" asked Sammy.

Barkalot replied, "Arf arf woof."

"Do you need to go out?"

Barkalot wagged his tail and barked some more.

"Do you want to play?"

More barking.

Sammy patted the beagle's head. "Gosh, I wish I could communicate with you"

A breeze swept over the balcony and now standing next to the dog was a pudgy man wearing red shoes. "I believe I heard you make a wish."

Sammy stood up and shook his head in amazement. "What… where did you come from?"

"I'm the two-wish genie. I'm here because you made a wish."

"Yes, I guess I did. Barkalot here is barking a lot and I don't know what he wants. I said I wish I could communicate with him."

The genie approached Sammy. "Are you sure about your wish? We have a new policy that we have to make sure you weren't wishing figuratively."

Sammy backed up against the railing. "Well, yes. It would really be great."

"So be it," said the genie.

Sammy replied, "Arf arf." He put his hands to his throat. "Arf arf?"

The Genie said, "You do have a second wish coming, you know."

Now Sammy was yelling, or rather howling. "Raaarf, aaarf!"

The Genie shrugged. "Sorry, can't understand you." He waved his hand and disappeared.

Barkalot the beagle came to Sammy's side and spoke softly, "Woof."