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The Computer Technician and His Annoying Wife

(A shaggy dog story)

Rodney Askew, a computer technician at the Kitten Mittens Company, was a one-man staff, installing computers, upgrading operating systems, adding apps, and helping users. Though he was conceited and humorless, he was good at his job and knew it.

His wife Sheila, on the other hand, was cheeky and silly. One day she decided to start a diary on her desktop computer. As she typed, every so often she would giggle to herself. Rodney, in his easy chair nearby reading, would grunt every time she did. On one occasion while typing, Sheila said loudly, "Oh, that's how you do new line. Shit key, Enter, Shit key, Enter." Then she snickered with a goofy hiccup. Rodney shook his head and said, "That's not funny."

The following evening, after a lousy day at work, Rodney was headed for his chair when Sheila at her computer tuned, "Lookie at all these Fuck-tion keys. There's Fuck-tion 1, Fuck-tion-2, Fuck-tion-3." Then she poked Rodney's arm and chuckled. He jerked away and yelled, "Stop with the stupid filthy puns already, goddamit."

The next day, Sheila again was at her computer and Rodney in his chair. By and by she intoned, "Copy and paste. That's Cunt-rol C, Cunt-rol V". She gave him a silly smile.

He jumped up, pulled at his hair and yelled, "Aargh! I can't take this any more!" He grabbed Sheila's keyboard from under her fingers, and smashed it into her face. "Shut up, shut up!" He slammed it again and again on her head. She fell to the floor.

Alas, Mrs. Askew was shut-upped.

As expected, Rodney was tried for murder, convicted and sentenced to the electric chair.

On the day of his doom, he was seated in the death chair and a cap of electrodes placed on his head. The warden asked if he had any last words.

Rodney mumbled quietly, "Fuck-tion keys for God's sake."

The warden nodded to the executioner who grasped the kill lever and slammed it hot.

Nothing happened.

All present looked at the warden. Once more he nodded at the executioner who returned the switch to off and slammed it hot, this time with more vigor.

Again nothing happened.

Rodney smirked in his smart-alecky way. In a low voice he sneered, "Unplug it. Wait ten seconds. Plug it back in."

The executioner cocked his head, hummed to himself, and did as the computer technician suggested.

It worked.