You Are Old If ....

You still have a land line.

You use a check when shopping.

You have a collection of video tapes.

You have a daily newspaper delivered.

People are telling you you're looking good.

You notice you have more skin than you need.

You have a pain that moves around in your body.

You can't stand up or sit down without making noises.

You don't use the phrase "he goes" instead of "he said".

You go to more medical-ologists than there are weekdays.

You read the obituaries to see if there is anybody you know.

There are more pictures of your insides than of your outsides.

When you look in a mirror, at first you don't recognize yourself.

You call a person older than 50 "young man" or "young woman."

You're more careful not to spill or drop stuff, but you do anyway.

Your hair has moved from the top of your head to your ears.

You can't remember what you were trying to remember.

and...

I can't remember what else I was going to say.